I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
farters have to be the big spoon...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found puke in my bra..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
