I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
