I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
