What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
