AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
