At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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