No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
