I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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