I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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