its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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