I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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