why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
