I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
