he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize