Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
