His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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