You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
