What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
