Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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