So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
