I love black thongs
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
