All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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