I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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