Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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