WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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