I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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