worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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