why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
