I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to make a zoo with you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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