if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where is the hickey?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Someone shattered a urinal.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
