my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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