Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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