just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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