I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
