you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
