so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
