I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
