Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
