if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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