So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
