honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
