my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
