Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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