I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
