nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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