my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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