yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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