Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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