the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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