So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
