He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
