I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
