its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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