apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
