He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
