I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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