I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
