i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
