Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize