You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
