It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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