i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
