so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
