This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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