you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
