if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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