Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
