So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize