He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
