If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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