I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
