A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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