the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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