He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
