It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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