i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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