I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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