i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
