also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my shit smells like andre
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Mom said you looked used
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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