It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
