I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
