respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
