My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
