I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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